


Defeating an Eavesdropper

by DimensionSponge



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Diagrams, Eavesdropping, Garak has a tail but it comes up precisely once, It doesn’t happen though, M/M, Weyoun 6 lives, discussion of threesomes, or foursomes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:06:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24980542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionSponge/pseuds/DimensionSponge
Summary: Weyoun is eavesdropping on Julian and Garak. They spot him and decide to have some fun, but they get too into it.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Kira Nerys/Odo
Comments: 12
Kudos: 64





	1. The great debate

**Author's Note:**

> I finally managed to write some Garashir.  
> Yes, Weyoun 6 is a shipper.

Weyoun was creepy normally, but this was unusual even for him.  
Whenever Julian and Garak were out on the station together and Weyoun was there, he’d be staring at them. He tried to be subtle about it, but once Julian noticed, he couldn’t unsee it. 

He’d just spotted the phenomenon in Quark’s. At first he thought the Vorta was just thinking and happened to be staring in their direction, but he seemed to be ‘thinking’ far too long for it to be a coincidence. 

Julian reasoned Weyoun probably couldn’t see them that well from afar, but his discomfort returned when he realised Weyoun could almost definitely hear them.  
And now he couldn’t even mention it to Garak because Weyoun would hear that too. 

Julian settled for turning towards Weyoun a few too many times, in pretense of watching the Dabo tables, to hint at his staring.

Garak of course picked up on this, and when he realised what was going on he looked very amused. He leaned in conspiratorially.  
“You know, I’ve been thinking... we’re on good terms with Odo, right?”

Julian had no idea where this was going, and he wasn’t sure he liked it.  
“...yes?”

“I was wondering if we could ask Kira if we could borrow him for an evening. Not that you aren’t a good lover of course, but you have to admit it’d be interesting.”

When Julian realised what Garak was implying, he choked on his drink. He tried to play it off like he sneezed, and he liked to think he succeeded.  
It was a Black Hole though, and it froze his throat, so he wolfed down some of his hot food to try and warm it up.  
Garak looked a tad disappointed. 

Julian tried desperately to keep a straight face, and to not look at Weyoun because he knew he’d lose it again.  
What was also making him lose it was that Garak actually seemed a bit serious. He was very good at that.

He carefully schooled his voice.  
“It certainly would. Would he agree to it, though?”

“Well, I’ve been using my best charms on him, and he’s been giving me a few weird looks at lunch lately, so he might not find it entirely unexpected.” 

Julian fought a smirk, and had to look away for a second to remind himself it was a joke. He caught sight of Weyoun, who looked absolutely stunned, and also somewhat purple.  
This centered him, and made him more committed.  
“Well, why stop there? We could get Kira in on it as well.”

This appeared to throw Garak for a bit of a loop. He blinked a couple times.  
“I’m not sure she likes me enough.”

Julian doubled down, glad to now be the less uncomfortable one in the conversation. “What harm could there be in asking?”

Garak actually looked concerned.  
“Quite a lot, actually. If word got out, we’d never live it down.”

“We’re already asking her for Odo. This is the next logical step.”

“I’m not sure it is.” 

“We can’t just ask Odo without telling her! They’re in a relationship!”

“Can you imagine how awkward it would be?” Garak did something that was almost a cringe. It was more of a look of slight discomfort, but it may as well have been a cringe.

Julian noticed this, and continued to try and reason with him.  
“Well, it’d be just as awkward for her to know and not be involved.”

“I think there’s a pretty significant difference there.”

They got lost in the debate, forgetting their original objective. Quark had stopped pouring drinks and was now staring open-mouthed, clearly picturing things he didn’t want to picture.  
Weyoun had recovered and was taking notes furiously.  
Garak seemed to have forgotten he was there.  
“Have you considered then we’ll have to share with her?”

Julian did a wry smile.  
”Come on. I think we can manage.”

“Really? How far can he stretch?”

By way of reply, Julian got out a padd and stylus, and began drawing a diagram. He drew simple figures of the three of them, and Odo in changeling form in the middle. There were some density and cohesion calculations on the side.  
A few of the crowd started leaving, but most went off to the side to keep an ear out for when the debate would start again.  
Weyoun sat there being mad that he couldn’t see the diagram.  
This took seven minutes.  
Garak sighed.  
When he was done, Julian scooted his chair around the table to show it to him.  
“As you can see, even if he doesn’t change his density, he can easily reach all three of us.”

“I don’t want to be that close to her. Put me over there.”

Julian raised his eyebrows. “Garak, how will you avoid her?”

“To the best of my ability.”

“Are you saying no?” 

“I suppose I am.”

“You could have just said no before!” Julian groaned.

“I did!”

“You said you weren’t sure.”

“I gave you many good reasons why it was a terrible idea, and yet you persisted in your little game. And I don’t look like that!” He pointed at himself on the diagram. It was a sketchy figure with a black bob, which would be hard to tell apart from Kira (with the slightly paler bob) except that Garak had a tail.

“I thought you wanted me to convince you!”

“Well, you’re not doing a very good job.”

“I drew a diagram and everything!” 

They’d started to attract attention again.  
O’brien was on the level above them, looking extremely disturbed. People had stopped playing Dabo to watch. 

Julian threw down his padd.  
“Who do you want then?”

“Odo! Just Odo, as was the original plan.”

“But we can’t ask him without telling Kira, and you don’t want to do that because it’s ‘awkward’. So we’ll have to get someone else,” Julian grumbled.

Garak scoffed.  
“Why don’t we just invite the whole station in!”

Julian screwed up his nose. “And here I thought you were a private man.”

“That was CLEARLY sarcastic! We are NOT doing that, that is horrifying.”

“Of course I knew that! Who do you take me for, Rom?”

“I was clarifying. I wouldn’t put it past you to actually go and do that.”

An audible ‘oooohhh’ rippled through the bar.  
Julian gaped at him.  
“Oh, now that is too far.”

Garak leaned forward angrily.  
“Is it? I’ve seen the way you still look at Dax.”

Julian was incredulous. “Worf would kill me! And you would also kill me!”

“I’m glad we’re clear.” 

“But Dax is hardly the whole station!” he pleaded.

“Are you suggesting we invite her?”

“NO!” 

“Good!”

Julian crossed his arms sullenly.  
“Should I pick someone you have a crush on instead?”

“Yes, Odo!”

“What?”

Garak froze.  
“Oh, Prime.”

“YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ODO?!” Julian bellowed. 

“Keep it down!”

“We’ll continue this discussion in private.”  
Bashir stormed out, oblivious to the entire bar now looking at him.  
Upstairs, O’brien buried his face in his hands.

Weyoun was very happy with himself. Then he realised that this had become an actual argument, which made him unexpectedly sad.  
Unsure what else to do, he went off to organise his field notes.


	2. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garak goes home to deal with the fallout from... whatever that was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a newly developed headcanon that when someone annoys Garak enough, he plans ways of killing them/really ruining their day to calm himself down.
> 
> Disclaimer: as someone who has never been in a relationship and is probably some level of aro, I have no idea how people act when secret crushes are revealed. Probably less chill than this.

Garak considered avoiding Julian, but that would just delay the inevitable and make him look bad.  
After sneaking out the back of Quark’s, thankfully unnoticed, he dodged passersby (most of whom were discussing the incident) all the way to his quarters.

He’d tried to prepare himself for something like this, but that just made it worse.  
He’d probably just ruined his two closest relationships at once, and embarrassed himself in front of the whole station. In hears past he’d never have been so sloppy. He had no idea what he was going to do now, and it was all because of that stupid Vorta and his eavesdropping. Garak had never liked him. After this, he was going to kill him. 

On the way home he distracted himself with potential killing methods. Poison was out, Weyoun was resistant to nearly all of them. Maybe he could rig a device...but then he’d have to go in the Vorta’s quarters to do it and that might leave evidence. No, he’d have to jump him and then get rid of the body. Beaming it into space might work... whose transporter login would he use, though? Whoever’s password he used would probably be suspected of the killing, and he didn’t particularly feel like framing O’brien for murder today. The guy had been through enough framings.

He was tossing up between either of two ensigns who had insulted him last week when he arrived at his and Julian’s quarters.  
He was actually nervous, he couldn’t believe this. Might as well get it over with.  
Garak steeled himself and entered, expecting Julian to be waiting for him and scowling disapprovingly.  
Instead, Julian was facedown on the couch groaning into a pillow.  
“Aaaaggghhhh....”

He approached slowly.  
“Are you alright?”

Garak initially thought he hadn’t heard him, but the groaning slowly died down and Julian emerged, looking utterly defeated.  
“Everyone and their mother heard that whole thing... That settles it. We have to move off the station.”

“And go where? Bajor? How will you do your job remotely?”

Julian waved his hand at something. “I’ll load up that long-term hologram modelled after me they were going to implement. Nobody will know I’m gone.”

“The one that’s illegal because you were an augment this whole time? Excellent job hiding that, by the way.”

Julian squinted at him.  
“...thank you?“

“You’re welcome. For it to be convincing, you’d probably have to develop a way to control it from afar, but you’d still be subject to humiliation, making the endeavour pointless.”

“Oh. What a shame.”  
Julian stared at the wall for a minute. Garak sat down near him, and he didn’t object. That seemed like a good sign.  
“To be clear, that whole discussion was hypothetical, right?”

“Speak for yourself.”

“YOU brought it up!”

“To embarrass Weyoun, yes.”

“Who heard...that whole thing... also.”  
Bashir held his head in his hands.

“I freely admit I may have gotten carried away.” 

“We’re doomed.” 

“Trust me, this is far from being doomed. But I agree that it’s not ideal.”

Julian slumped back against the couch, and stared at the ceiling.  
“Do you actually have a crush on Odo, though?” 

“Only a small one,” he admitted. “He’d never reciprocate, and I highly doubt Kira would be willing to share. Understandable, I wouldn’t either.”

Julian smiled sympathetically, which Garak didn’t expect.  
“I know that feeling.” 

“Dax. And probably Kira,” he guessed.

“Yes, and Kira. You know, one night I was convinced that in another life we were married, but we were still working together. That was a weird dream.”

“So... you forgive me?”

Julian sat up instantly.  
“Of course! It’d be hypocritical for me not to. I have two crushes, and you’ve only got one. But as long as none of us does anything to act on them, we’re good.”

Despite the lingering jealousy, Garak was relieved.  
“Thank you.”  
He relaxed onto Julian, leaning onto him. Julian gave an affectionate smile and started patting his hair, which he thought was a tad patronising but he allowed it.  
“Also, you may be glad to know I’ve decided not to kill Weyoun for now.”

“You were going to kill- of course you were. That’s good you decided not to.”

“Good? I thought you hated him.”

Julian thought about it.  
“Well, I hated the other ones but this one’s not so bad. He can be kind of cute, actually.”  
Garak frowned at him, and he threw up his hands.  
“Not like that!”


	3. The next day

It was times like this Garak regretted getting himself invited to the staff meetings, but he supposed it would be terrible of him to abandon Julian to go alone given they both created this mess.

He fooled himself for half a second into thinking that nobody had heard yet, and things might be normal.  
He was wrong. The whole room went silent when they entered, and everybody stared at them. O’brien in particular had this look of ‘what the hell is wrong with you?’ Weyoun 6 was also in there, and he was just casually reading, the little demon.

Everyone’s eyes followed them as they went to their places, except Sisko’s. He was pointedly avoiding participation in the gawking.  
Julian sunk into his seat and stayed there. It was throwing off Garak’s carefully crafted appearance of being normal.

He scanned the room, and saw Odo staring across the table at them with a look of wary suspicion. 

Garak gave him a winning smile, but was internally cringing. His cringe level increased when Kira glared at him, but he didn’t allow it to show.

Sisko rose slowly. He looked around the room at everyone, and sighed.  
“Now, I’m sure you’ve all heard by now about the incident in Quark’s. I have gotten numerous messages about said incident. Suffice it to say I do not want this repeated. What goes on in people’s bedrooms is not anyone’s business, and I’d prefer to keep it out of this meeting.”

Julian and Garak both glared at Weyoun 6.  
“What are you looking at me for?” he said innocently.

Julian stabbed a finger at him.  
“He was eavesdropping on us from across the bar! The whole thing yesterday was a ploy to make him stop.”

Nobody seemed to believe them.   
“I was there, and you seemed pretty into it,” said O’brien. 

“All part of the art of deception,” Garak breezed. 

Weyoun was not happy. “That was all fake? Now I have to change my whole...”  
He trailed off as everyone started looking at him.  
“Change your whole what?” O’brien asked.

“Nothing...”

Garak smiled evilly. Weyoun was on the defensive. Time to drop the bomb.  
“Change his whole report. He has hundreds of them, on every interspecies couple on the station.”

Worf threw down his padd in outrage, making Ezri jump. “WHAT?!”

Odo was skeptical. “Where did you hear this?”

“I know how thorough you were in checking out his story when he first came. I did a little checking of my own. He’s got one on you, Constable. And on Worf and Ezri.”

People were all staring at Weyoun now. The plan had succeeded. Strangely, he didn’t seem particularly embarrassed.  
“It’s mere scientific curiosity. The subject has always interested me, and I’d be glad to hear your thoughts.”

“I think you should take a trip out an airlock,” growled Kira.

Weyoun’s purple eyes were wide as he was bombarded with questions and accusations from nearly everyone in the room.  
Garak relished in his victory, while Julian let out a little sigh of relief next to him.

Sisko interrupted them.  
“AS I said, we keep this OUT of the meetings.”

**Author's Note:**

> I came back to this to find my ipad had autocorrected a sentence to “garage sighed”. Ah yes, my favourite cardassian tailor, g a r a g e


End file.
